SO MUCH of this clicked with me! I applaud you for throwing out some really vulnerable stuff here. That takes guts. There's so much I could say, but that would require me to bare my soul on here, and I'm not as brave as you! Instead, I'm going to be obnoxious and share a way-too-long passage that kept coming to mind when I read this. I clung to it the first years of my marriage...perhaps it'll resonate with you, too.
"Our experience is coloured through and through by books and plays and the cinema, and it takes patience and skill to disentangle the things we have really learned from life for ourselves. People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on 'being in love' for ever [...] In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last. [...] If you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest. [...] This is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies. It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go--let it die away--go through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow--and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time." --C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
I had to do a lot of dying to myself in the romance department right before and after I got married. I had to die to the stupid idea of wanting to be "the one who got away," wanting Mr. Darcy, wanting my love life to be the novels I'd read for years instead of the real life God had for me. The death was slow and painful. The rebirth though? Marvelous. I'm in love in a way that I didn't know existed; a deep, unshakeable love that makes those flirtatious, edgy flings I chased for so long look like what they are: child's play.
You are on the right path, Rebecca. Keep exposing things to the light (Eph. 5:13). You are His, and He won't let you down.
I relate. For me it’s a natural phenomenon that I’ve owned for some time. I know its roots and origins, yet I’m trying to navigate how to “fix” it. I guess we’ll see what therapy and God’s grace will do.
this is so vulnerable and deeply felt--i was actually walking around on my lunch break today feeling very emo for similar reasons: ruminating on my past romantic failures and wondering if i am embarrassing / ugly / unlovable. what helped me leave the rumination spiral was telling myself, "actually, that's not true!" and putting on a song that made me feel like dancing.
first of all, i would ask whether this guy who has approached you is someone you actually like for who he is (not just because he likes you) and can see yourself with. if not, don't sweat it!! you are NOT 'the worst woman in the world' for turning someone down who YOU DON'T LIKE: you're actually doing both of you a favor by freeing both of you to find someone you're crazy about. those people are out there!
if you do actually like this person for who he is AND feel yourself unable to say yes to seeing him, that's 100% worth sitting with and considering for a while. if he's truly into you, i'm sure he'll be alright with giving you some space while you take some time to mull it over in whatever way you see fit: even if, in the end, it's a no for you. and that still doesn't make you the worst woman in the world by any stretch.
i am quite sure that luke 6:32 is not commanding you to reciprocate romantic feelings for anyone... you can absolutely turn someone down in a way that still communicates Christlike love for them! anyways, idk if this is helpful at all but i was recently in a similar situation so it's fresh in my mind. rooting for you!!
I love your vulnerability, and mostly, so does the Lord. I pray the Lord gives you comfort to any parts of your heart that are unsure or shaded by confusion in Jesus’ name. He’ll keep you in perfect peace as your mind stays fixed on Him!
Relationships are so difficult, but the He sees, and knows better than anyone. Sink into His love today🫶🏻
SO MUCH of this clicked with me! I applaud you for throwing out some really vulnerable stuff here. That takes guts. There's so much I could say, but that would require me to bare my soul on here, and I'm not as brave as you! Instead, I'm going to be obnoxious and share a way-too-long passage that kept coming to mind when I read this. I clung to it the first years of my marriage...perhaps it'll resonate with you, too.
"Our experience is coloured through and through by books and plays and the cinema, and it takes patience and skill to disentangle the things we have really learned from life for ourselves. People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on 'being in love' for ever [...] In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last. [...] If you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest. [...] This is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies. It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go--let it die away--go through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow--and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time." --C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
I had to do a lot of dying to myself in the romance department right before and after I got married. I had to die to the stupid idea of wanting to be "the one who got away," wanting Mr. Darcy, wanting my love life to be the novels I'd read for years instead of the real life God had for me. The death was slow and painful. The rebirth though? Marvelous. I'm in love in a way that I didn't know existed; a deep, unshakeable love that makes those flirtatious, edgy flings I chased for so long look like what they are: child's play.
You are on the right path, Rebecca. Keep exposing things to the light (Eph. 5:13). You are His, and He won't let you down.
I relate. For me it’s a natural phenomenon that I’ve owned for some time. I know its roots and origins, yet I’m trying to navigate how to “fix” it. I guess we’ll see what therapy and God’s grace will do.
Grace unto you🌸
Rooting for you too. Sending love and light your way
Courage, Rebecca. I love you and your vulnerability. I don’t have answers for you but I’m rooting for you🔆
this is so vulnerable and deeply felt--i was actually walking around on my lunch break today feeling very emo for similar reasons: ruminating on my past romantic failures and wondering if i am embarrassing / ugly / unlovable. what helped me leave the rumination spiral was telling myself, "actually, that's not true!" and putting on a song that made me feel like dancing.
first of all, i would ask whether this guy who has approached you is someone you actually like for who he is (not just because he likes you) and can see yourself with. if not, don't sweat it!! you are NOT 'the worst woman in the world' for turning someone down who YOU DON'T LIKE: you're actually doing both of you a favor by freeing both of you to find someone you're crazy about. those people are out there!
if you do actually like this person for who he is AND feel yourself unable to say yes to seeing him, that's 100% worth sitting with and considering for a while. if he's truly into you, i'm sure he'll be alright with giving you some space while you take some time to mull it over in whatever way you see fit: even if, in the end, it's a no for you. and that still doesn't make you the worst woman in the world by any stretch.
i am quite sure that luke 6:32 is not commanding you to reciprocate romantic feelings for anyone... you can absolutely turn someone down in a way that still communicates Christlike love for them! anyways, idk if this is helpful at all but i was recently in a similar situation so it's fresh in my mind. rooting for you!!
I love your vulnerability, and mostly, so does the Lord. I pray the Lord gives you comfort to any parts of your heart that are unsure or shaded by confusion in Jesus’ name. He’ll keep you in perfect peace as your mind stays fixed on Him!
Relationships are so difficult, but the He sees, and knows better than anyone. Sink into His love today🫶🏻