choked by the cunning cares of this life

a closer look at Mark 4:19

“and the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things entering in choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.

But these are the ones sown on good ground, those who hear the word, accept it, and bear fruit: some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some a hundred.” - Mark 4:19-20

I do not like that you can look through your photo album and mark a time before you met someone that irrevocably impacted your life, for an unforeseeable time. I do not like that one day you can be walking around on this planet without the knowledge of them at all, and in a rapid or ever so normal change of events, collide with another soul that will leave a mark on you that you might yearn for removal and not attain it for decades to come. I do not like that you can give your all and get nothing in return, though I am taught to embrace that—that it’s the way of Jesus. I do not like frivolous jobs that eat more of your time than the paycheck allows for, a subtle robbery that when lived in, feels harsh. I do not like when my pride is shot because when I was driving, someone couldn’t wait a little longer so they turned into my lane and drove at at least half the speed I was, ruining my flow. These to me, are some of the cunning cares in my world. And I do not like how they choke the word given to me and render it unfruitful.

I have heard the Parable of the Sower in Mark chapter four for most of my life. And when it is preached, I think that the bases of “the cares of this world” are briefly covered, but almost surface level. Most of the time when verse 19 is taught, we are told to look out for quarrels, money as an idol, fear about health and family, or job security. And while those are often, absolutely anxiety-inducing topics, recently I figured it goes much deeper.

In my Creative Nonfiction course, I was introduced to “flood subjects” as Emily Dickinson would coin it—“a subject largely occupied in her mind and overwhelmed her with its intensity”. My professor would ask us to recall our own “flood subjects” and write about them. For me, it turned out to always have something to do with infidelity, body image, and finding love in the modern milieu.

My “flood subjects” naturally were not confined to the classroom and I noticed that even today, these are things that I think about on a daily basis and they indeed come to me in a flood. In order to try to understand them, I buy books for framework, working through texts on the female experience and trying to read them through a Biblical framework to compare notes and be reminded of ultimate truth. Ending up slamming the book shut in frustration because our experiences are too similar and feeling like as a woman seeking love, I don’t see a way to win in the way I want to.

It becomes compulsive. An overtaking that fills me with anger and anxiety. A dry throat with vinegar to drink. Sitting at the table before God parched as He offers me sweet wine from His own body. He speaks a Good Word to me, sowing seeds in my heart and I sit at the table, the Word choked within me, becoming unfruitful because I chose to be overcome by the cares of this life, when the call is to focus on Christ alone.

I think it’s this sly, this cunning. If it were not revealed to me, I would never have considered these “flood subjects”— or really, let’s call them idols, would be what made me feel so lifeless so often. Hindsight being 20/20, I can see that the times I feel most drained, and like a Good Word was choked within me, it is because I allowed the cares of this life to consume me.

These crafty topics of interest become exalted in my heart, so much so that it becomes difficult to focus on and rejoice in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. When my heart is set on the Gospel and I remember that Jesus is alive, has paid my debt, and lives forever to make intercession for me, I feel the most alive and recognize my heart as good soil for whatever Good Word comes to follow, in an environment—promising for growth.

Let all the things that overtake me become overtaken, my Jesus. Give me a softened heart that is good soil, that when Your Word as seed is spread in my heart, it would bear much fruit. Help me to hear Your word, accept it, and bear good fruit. Destroy fruitlessness within me, in Your Name Jesus. Amen.

With love,
Rebecca